Thursday, June 30, 2011

Off The Hook

Reverb 10's June Prompt is

What can you let yourself off the hook for?

I know that I am once again squeezing in at the last minute with the Reverb posts.  It's not that I forget about it.  I see it in my mailbox and then I tend to stew on it.  And stew I did.  I hold myself to a pretty high standard.  I have a hard time forgiving myself for things.  Even when I tell myself I am over it.  It sometimes has a way of creeping back up in me.  It has been a slow process and I am making small steps forward.  

As much as I love Reverb for helping me dive deep down and reflect, I struggle with the question.  So as much as I have thought about it, I think I would have to say my answer would be working out.  I had a good momentum going the beginning of the year.  Don't we all with our resolutions?  Then things got difficult and I found it hard to find time for myself to go out and hit the elliptical.  So it started to slide until everything became unraveled and I found it so much harder to get back up to speed.  So I quit.  

So now I am sitting here totally not happy with the fact that I have not made any progress.  I haven't went up any clothing sizes but I haven't gone down any either.  I'm at a stand still.  I haven't mentally gotten back in the game.  I know I should.  I know that I would be a healthier person and in the long run that would be the true benefit.  But at the end of the day I just can't get my groove back.  

I have been stewing on that.  Mad at myself.  Mad that I haven't made time for myself.  Mad that I'm making excuses instead of just doing it.  At some point I know I will get there.  It just hasn't felt like a good time.  

With everything that has been going on it's only natural that I would slip up a bit.  With all the emotions attached to everything I have fallen back on my old eating habits as well.  I need to work towards turning that around and quit relying on fast food.  I also need to ignore all the comments about how I am on "another diet".  It all needs to change.  I need to be better.  

And there the cursor sat blinking.  I had to take a moment to soak the words in so that I can accept it, build a bridge, get over it, and move on.  

So that is what I am letting myself off the hook for.  I have given myself a free pass for last month.  My slacking will not get the best of me.  Time to put in the work towards a better me.   

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