Monday, January 30, 2012

It's Monday

It's Monday...probably one of the most unliked days of the week.  Poor Monday.  I don't think I have ever heard anyone say T.G.I.M!  Because let's face it that just sounds silly.  Mondays, for a lot of us means trudging back to the grindstone.

So here is some stress relief.  It's a Yoga move called Lion's Breath.

Go  ahead...DO IT!  It really does help your face relax and it feels good to feel like you look silly.  Even if it's only for a few seconds.

And here is photographic proof that it is impossible for me to do anything at home.  Even Yoga.  Because when you are an only child and almost four you really do believe that everything in the entire house belongs to you.

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Stress Of It All

Over a month ago, I had a dizzy spell while driving.  It was scary.  This started a lengthy journey.  I've been to over six doctors to try and figure out what is going on.  Seven vials of blood and a 24 hour heart monitor later, I still look good on paper.  I am thankful that every test is coming back just fine.  There are some things I need to discuss with my doctor that showed up on my MRI.  I got the results back over the phone but I don't have my appointment until next Friday.  My neurologist comforted me by telling me that everything on my MRI has more than likely been there all a long.

Last week I rounded out my long list of doctors by seeing an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor.  He was very nice.  He also specializes in Vertigo.  He seems to think that my episode was stress related.  Which at this point makes sense.  He was the first doctor to even suggest that it could have been stress.

But here is the thing...knowing that it's stress doesn't seem to make me calm down at all.  I would think that finally realizing what was causing my episodes would make me feel better.  I feel slightly comforted finding a reason but how do I decrease my stress levels?

I didn't think I was stressed to begin with.  I've always been a worrier.  I've always stressed about the littlest stuff.  I've always been able to handle it.  And for a few seconds a month and a half ago, my mind told my body that I couldn't handle it.  It sent my world spinning.  Literally.

So now I am at a point where I am trying to figure out how to fix it.  Do I see another doctor?  Do I try and handle it myself?  I already know I don't want to be on medication but I long for days where I felt somewhat normal.  I long for days where I don't feel like I am losing my mind.  I have hope that those days are again right around the corner.  For now I am working on getting behind the wheel again.  I never really thought about driving.  It wasn't my favorite activity but I always loved my Rojo Grande.  I loved my independence and being able to meet my friends and have playmates or just go and do something fun with my daughter just for the heck of it.  Now even the idea of driving sends my heart rate up.  The thought of getting behind the wheels makes me clench up.  I know it was stress and I know I'm a great driver but all the sudden I am petrified and scared to drive.  It sucks.  I don't even think I was this scared when I started driving when I was 17.  

During this tough time I have figured out that it hasn't all been a wash.  I have found that I can lean on people and still be who I am.  I am thankful for my friends that don't mind driving us around and thankful for my own Mom who has stepped up to help me out with Clover and driving me to my many appointments.  I am thankful for my husband who listens to me babble and finds a way to make me smile.

Music helps and I have had this song practically on auto repeat.  Don't Give Up by Darren Hayes.  Aren't you surprised?  You can listen to it here on Grooveshark or head to iTunes and buy it there.

Once again I am leaning on my positive outlook on things to help get me through this.  Can't wait to feel like I am normal again.  One of these days.

My Little Hacker

My darling Clover has always had a problem with night waking.  I have just come to accept it.  For a little while she was sleeping in her room and would wait for one of us to come and get her in the morning.  Then she learned how to open the door.  Then she figured out that she could open the door and get up in the middle of the night and hop right in between us.  The between us didn't work because Daddy has to get up and get to work early.  So then she started sleeping on my side.  At first I thought it was sweet that my little darling wanted to cuddle with her Mommy.  So I would wrap my arm around her and go back to sleep.  I would be all about the co-sleeping except for the fact that my darling is a mover and a kicker when she is out.

So it started out with her getting up once around 5ish and slowly make her way down the clock until she was getting up at eleven and tried to get on bed with us.

I wasn't getting any sleep.  Something had to change.  So in an effort to find the path of least resistance, I bought her a clock that changes color when she can get up.  It's a blue nightlight until she can get up and then turns yellow when it's an appropriate time to get up.  I set the settings on the back of the clock and hoped for the best.  I wasn't surprised that it didn't work the first night.  She had made it such a habit to get up in the middle of the night.  So the first night she got up four times.  Second night twice.  Third night she got up just once.  Once wasn't so bad.  At least I wasn't waking up with a foot in my face.

So the other night she hopes in bed with me and she is so happy that she stayed in bed until the light changed.  She even wakes me up to tell me.  I look at the clock at it's 1 am.  I walk her back to her bed and look at her clock.  Sure enough it's yellow.  My little hacker has figured out how to reset her clock to show whatever color she wants.  

My friend pointed out that if this is what she is up too when she is three, I am in for it!

Oh boy don't I know it.  I need to learn how to keep up.  Maybe if I got more sleep, it would be easier.

Friday, January 13, 2012

I'm Constipated

File this under "Conversations with a 3 3/4 year old".

At first we heard...

"Mom, I'm constipated."

"You are?"

"Yeah Mom...I'm constipated"

"I'm pretty sure your not..."

Then my very smart friend asks her "What does constipated mean?"

"You know...that your tired of something.  I'm tired of sitting in this car seat.  I'm constipated.  I'm ready to get out."

Then a brief conversation of what the word "constipated" really means.  So after the movie we went to hit up Target because now that they have a grocery section I find myself with an eternal definite reason to go to Target.  She picked out a paddle and ball to play with and I let her play with it in the back seat while my friend drove us home.

"Mooooooom!  I can't get it!  I can't get my ping pong paddle and ball to work!  ARRGGGG!  I'm so constipated with it!"

"Honey, I think you mean frustrated.  You are frustrated with your ping pong paddle and ball."

"What's frustrated mean?"

"That you can't get something so you get kind of grumpy.  Or you are really tired of something.  You mean you are frustrated.  Not constipated.  Constipated means you can't poop.  You have to practice your ping pong paddle.  It's not something you are going to get right away."

Tries again.

"Moooom!  I'm frustrated with my ping pong paddle!  and I'm constipated!"

At least I can say I tried.

Ps.  She really isn't constipated.  The fiber gummies have really helped with that.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Sometimes Busy is Good

Yesterday was a busy day.  I cleaned my poor neglected house.  You would not believe the effort it takes just to make the house somewhat presentable.  Believe me, sometimes I wish I was manic just so I could have a clean house.  We cleaned, we danced, Clover got a hair cut, then we got a pedi.  And we were still able to make it home in time, make dinner, reassemble the couch after washing it and I still had energy to babysit some adorable girls.  Clover had a blast having her friends over.  Throw in some Princess movies, art time and popcorn everywhere and we had ourselves a night!

Busy days are good.  Sometimes there are too many of then squished together on the calendar but sometimes it just feels good to lay down in bed after a busy day.  I had just a few minutes to watch TV with the Hubs before my eyes rolled back into my head and I passed out.

I've never been a morning person so it took me a few more minutes than usual to drag myself out of bed.  It was a good feeling knowing that it was because I did so much yesterday and not just because I woke up exhausted.  

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


I looked back on December and I am very sad that there are only a few posts.  Everything has been kept pretty close and unlike how I usually am...I bottled it all up.  I haven't been like myself lately.  And that is starting to get on my nerves.

Last month I started getting random dizzy/vertigo/with a hot flash and fast heart beat spell things.  I thought it was just a virus and went to the doctor.  First doctor told me it was water on my inner ear due to allergies.  Second doctor said it wasn't.  So then I got bounced to a very nice Neurologist and just had my very first visit with a Cardiologist yesterday.  So four doctors later, seven vials of blood and at least a doctors visit a week since the beginning of last month.  And they still aren't exactly sure what is wrong with me.  Oh and let's not forget the 24 hour heart monitor I just returned today.  The sucky part of that experience was the sticky things they put on you.  I still have adhesive on my stomach!  Ick!

So far I look pretty good on paper.  Which is great.  But then there is the question...what the hell is wrong with me?

Everyone tells me to go home and rest.  Which is nice for about the first three days and then it just gets absolutely boring.  There are only so many days I can take staring at the walls.  They told me not to drive so my independence has been cut short.  So then the depression sunk in.  And let me tell you that Depression is a lying b*stard.  Just like everyone says he is.

I have been blessed with kind friends and family that don't mind driving me around and I am thankful for that.  The one positive from all of this is that I know who I can rely on.  Even if it's just to text me random stuff that makes me smile.

The stress of it all sucks!  I don't think I have ever been this stressed out before and there have been some knuckle biting times in this short life of mine.  I'm ready to let go of it all.  I'm ready to move on.

I'm ready to rebound.

This has been an eye opener so I have started taking better care of myself.  Not just because of the new year but because I want a healthier me.

If I'm supposed to live with these symptoms then I am ready to accept that.  I'm ready to move forward.          

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Okay, Look.

I took my spot on the couch and was going to do the run down.  I was going to blog about how not nice December was to me.  I was going to fill you in on the lack of posting.  I started a post but in all honesty it sounded like I was having a pity party.  Then I sat down to knit and started my Big Bang Theory Season 2 dvd.  There are some moments when buying your own stocking stuffers pays off!  I've been laughing my butt off for the last hour and I feel much better.  My situation hasn't changed but laughing feels good.  So my other post will have to wait til later.