Wednesday, January 4, 2012


I looked back on December and I am very sad that there are only a few posts.  Everything has been kept pretty close and unlike how I usually am...I bottled it all up.  I haven't been like myself lately.  And that is starting to get on my nerves.

Last month I started getting random dizzy/vertigo/with a hot flash and fast heart beat spell things.  I thought it was just a virus and went to the doctor.  First doctor told me it was water on my inner ear due to allergies.  Second doctor said it wasn't.  So then I got bounced to a very nice Neurologist and just had my very first visit with a Cardiologist yesterday.  So four doctors later, seven vials of blood and at least a doctors visit a week since the beginning of last month.  And they still aren't exactly sure what is wrong with me.  Oh and let's not forget the 24 hour heart monitor I just returned today.  The sucky part of that experience was the sticky things they put on you.  I still have adhesive on my stomach!  Ick!

So far I look pretty good on paper.  Which is great.  But then there is the question...what the hell is wrong with me?

Everyone tells me to go home and rest.  Which is nice for about the first three days and then it just gets absolutely boring.  There are only so many days I can take staring at the walls.  They told me not to drive so my independence has been cut short.  So then the depression sunk in.  And let me tell you that Depression is a lying b*stard.  Just like everyone says he is.

I have been blessed with kind friends and family that don't mind driving me around and I am thankful for that.  The one positive from all of this is that I know who I can rely on.  Even if it's just to text me random stuff that makes me smile.

The stress of it all sucks!  I don't think I have ever been this stressed out before and there have been some knuckle biting times in this short life of mine.  I'm ready to let go of it all.  I'm ready to move on.

I'm ready to rebound.

This has been an eye opener so I have started taking better care of myself.  Not just because of the new year but because I want a healthier me.

If I'm supposed to live with these symptoms then I am ready to accept that.  I'm ready to move forward.          


  1. When are you going to break out in dance???

  2. I know you have a pink kink in your think!!! Hey, I diagnosed you!!!

  3. Do I owe you a co-pay now? lol!

  4. lol. I did think of that, but no, a friend doesn't do that!!!