Tuesday, January 11, 2011

More of The Same

I bet you thought the self reflecting ended with Reverb huh?  I did too.  Until I looked at myself in the mirror today.  All I saw was the t-shirt and jeans.  I know it's my fall back outfit.  It is what I feel comfortable in.  My security blanket that I can wear. 

And then I felt self conscious.  I was having a friend over with her girls.  This friend has seen me in my t-shirt and jeans probably a hundred times in the past.  So she gets to come over and see me in the same all over again.  All I was missing to complete the "high school me" look was my boyfriend's flannel.  At least I am predictable...right?

So then I had the thought...am I still the same "high school" me?

This leads to ten minutes of serious self reflection.

And my answer....


I think that part of me still contains that shy, nervous, quiet, fearful me.  She will always be there.  But she has also helped me become who I am today.  I'm still quiet in large groups but it's not necessarily shyness, it's more that I like to observe other people before I jump into a conversation these days.  I'm almost always nervous about something.  I'm a worrier and those two things go hand and hand.  I have always thought of myself as older than I was.  Now days, I am okay with acting like a kid and wearing fairy wings and tutus to play with my daughter.  I have even been known to wear a tiara as I clean.     

Yes, I am wearing jeans.  When I was in high school I worried about how my hand me down jeans looked.  Now days I worry about how my butt looks.

I've never been a high maintenance chick.  I can't even remember the last time I got my hair cut.  However, I am taking baby steps into the girly-girl world.  I am proud to say that my eyebrows are two separate entities and do not resemble fuzzy caterpillars.  My hair is freshly dyed Espresso and even though to me it looks dark, I am okay with the change.  I even worked on my nails last night.

There were times when growing up seemed slow.  And times when the world made you grow a little faster than you thought you were ready for.  As I am standing in front of the mirror, I am happy with the woman staring back at me.  Even if I have my self conscious moments.  These days I posses enough confidence to know that my butt looks way better in these jeans.  And for nostalgia sake, maybe I will go look for my husband's flannel shirt.           

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