We have finally settled into a fairly routine schedule. Weekdays can get a little crazy and I wish the weekends were filled with lazy bliss. But, alas there always seems like there is something to do. Even now with Clover gone during the days I realize just how big my to-do list was. I am now realizing how long I have put some of this stuff off.
When I'm not trying to tackle the To Do List of Dooom (tympani drums bom bom bom bom), I have been left with a lot of time to think. I'm actually quite surprised some of it didn't end up here since this is one of the places I come too when I need to hash out what is in my brain.
Most of it is positive thinking. A lot of it is self reflection and trying to figure out where I fit into the larger scheme of things. For the last five years I have been very fortunate to have the opportunity to be a Stay at Home Mom (thanks Hubby). a SAHM for short. I never know why they include the "a" in the acronym, since most times it's left out. I guess SHM sounds a little to close to something you would do in the bedroom? Whoooo knows? Anyways, back to my ramble on where I fit into the universe.
Part of me wants to work on the book I have been putting off. Part of me wonders if I should get a job. Should I go back to school? Finish my degree in Child Development? Then I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I don't have a passionate answer. I never really knew what I wanted to be when I was a kid. I hadn't really picked anything for certain until I was in High School. I would pick an career and then find out more about it and then nope out of there. Hubby on the other hand pretty much knew what he wanted to do since he was 9. One time when he was driving me home from a date he said he wanted to work for the largest telecommunications company in our area. About five years after that he was. I have always admired his determination and focus.
Career wise, I picked one while I was attending a vocational high school. They told us that what made this school different was that we would be able to join the workforce straight out of high school. For most of the careers that is true. I started working in the daycare at my high school helping take care of the kiddos of my fellow classmates. It was fun. I liked it. I seemed good at it and it was fairly easy. So from there I decided to go into Child Development. In most states you need a set amount of college credits to get a job (legally) in a day care. I went to school and was a nanny for a bit until I earned enough credits to get a job. I learned a lot from every person I worked with. From there I continued my education, racking up units and sharpening my skills as a teacher. Up until the day I left I still enjoyed being in a classroom. I left to start the greatest adventure I have been on. Being a Mom. So now I have this break in my day where I no longer have to focus on being a Mom. So how do I transition roles during the day? This is what I am currently working on.
That and the "what do I want to do with my life?" question. I've been thinking about it for a bit now. In it's simplest form, I want to be a good person. I want to be happy and make others around me happy. It makes me happy to know that I made someone's life a little easier or made some smile. As Gandalf mentioned in the movie The Hobbit:
“Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in
check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small
everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small
acts of kindness and love.”
I'm sure I have quoted that before. That's how much I love that line. Because I pretty much see myself like that. Now, I know I am a realist and I know I have one heck of a cynical and judgmental side to me. But I
also know that I am a pretty positive person. I don't see the glass as
half full or half empty. I see it more of "It has something in, so be
happy for that" kind of a stance. I have seen others play the game and run the rat race. It's simply not something I am interested in participating in. I watch everyone hurry out after dropping their kids off and they are all racing somewhere. They all have somewhere they were supposed to be five minutes ago. Racing around a school zone, ignoring traffic signs, double parking, getting frustrated while waiting in the line to get out of the parking lot and going left even though the sign clearly says "right turn only". And there I am in my big red truck blaring my country music. I've been on a country kick lately. I don't look so stereotypish when I am playing Darren Hayes or Kylie. I think being in a truck and blaring country does something to seal the deal. I am just missing the pig tails and cut offs. Possibly boots too if I wasn't so in love with my flip flops.