I'm contemplating starting this tonight. I'm already pretty sleepy so I'm not sure that my thoughts will flow as continuous as I want them too. But I have a lot of stuff up there in my head and I have found that it's usually a good idea just to get it all out.
I had a really good Mother's Day. It was quiet like I wanted it to be and I spent lots of time with my family. It was a pretty good weekend. I had lots of time to look at my amazing not-so-little girl. I can't believe my little Clover is 5 already. I know you were wondering where this post was right? The reflecting one that usually comes around her birthday and is all about me getting gushy over how big she is getting. I didn't really kick one of those out after her birthday. I was too gosh darn busy! That post will have to wait for another time, because that isn't what this post is about either. I've been thinking the last couple of days about all of the things I have learned over the course of a few years. Not just about parenting, but about the things I have learned about myself or just life in general.
Parenting is a big part of my life. I'm in no way saying that in a negative tone. I learned early on that I don't want to be one of those people that does nothing but complain about how hard of a job it is. I've been around those people and soaked it in. And decided then and there that I am not one of those people. I pop off steam every now and then and I complain in general. I'm very lucky to have people in my life to listen to it all. Parenting is not the easiest thing on the planet but I like to think there are just some lessons associated with it that I'm not sure I would have learned out there in the real world.
Off the top of my head I would say that checking my ego would be pretty high on the list. I have been working with children since I was 14 years old. I worked in our on campus day care as a Student Aide starting my freshman year in high school. I've taken care of hundreds of kids, geez, if not thousands by now. I had parents come in and compliment us on a great job and ask us how we take care of so many kids day in and day out. Pshaw! I thought! You have one! Do you know how many kids I have in a day? I thought this parenting gig would be just as easy for me. I was different and this was going to be a piece of cake. Except it wasn't a piece of cake. It was a large helping of good o Humble Pie! And I ate every bite of it. I waited for Clover to get to a year because the Toddler age I knew. I knew songs, I knew how to rock a story book, it was my expertise. Then after she hit two, I knew I was clueless. I've been winging it every since.
And that's okay! It's perfectly acceptable that I don't know everything. Which leads into thought number two. It's okay that I make mistakes. Not only as a parent but as a human. As long as I learn from them and move forward, it's okay. I have learned to give myself some slack. At some point or another you are going to mess up. It's too hard of a life to try to be perfect all the time. And really, it's an unrealistic goal. I tried. I should know. I tried to be the Super Mom/Wifey Extraordinaire/Wonder Maid hybrid of a person (the outfit is ah-mazing!). And it led to a lot of crying in the shower because I felt as if I was not living up to some expectation that I put on myself. I also felt as if I was missing my daughter. Sure she was there with me while I did the laundry but it's so much more fun to play than it is to do chores. Yes, they eventually get done but I am not stressing myself out of the load of dishes currently in the sink.
Which leads into my third lesson I have learned. People are going to judge me. Oh and have they! It's okay, I have learned to accept it. I know that in the beginning it was something I struggled with a lot. Even recently I have had an experience or two with it. Being a judgmental person myself I know how it is to look down a nose at someone. I know how easy it is to make snap judgements based on a whole ten seconds of knowing someone. I've done it before. It wasn't until it was done to me that I truly understood how unfair that was. So it's like the bad version of the circle of life. You will judge and you will get judged. By who? Everyone! Friends, strangers on the internet, strangers at the park, fellow parents and Dance Moms! I just accept it now. It's way easier. I know I am the best Me I can be. As corny as that sounds, I really do sleep better at night knowing that.
The yawns have started hitting full force so I am going to wrap this up with my fourth thought that has been on my mind. I really need to do this more often...find something pretty and wear it. Rock it. I don't care what it is. It could be cute undies for all I care. Which would make sense since you do a lot of bending over as a parent. Kids are short! I'm sure more than a few people have seen my booty! Anyhoo back to what I was saying. I have a few pieces of jewelry that I love but I will admit that I don't always know how to accessorize an outfit. So I wear a piece that I love and it makes me feel better and makes me smile which is a good thing after all. Okay I lied because that leads into another thought.
Keep things positive. I know it isn't always easy to be the sun on everyone else rainy parade. But if you can be positive at least for yourself it just might spread. Or at least that's what I tell myself. And you have to be able to laugh at yourself. I do it multiple times a day! No really I do, mostly because I forget where I put stuff and enbark on the largest wild goose hunt ever. I sometimes feel as if my life is a cross between Where's Waldo and If You Give A Mouse a Cookie (the chore edition).
Life has a way of keeping this weird balancing act up. I'm sure somewhere along the lines I may have learned these lessons. Who knows? But I got a really REALLY cute kid out of it so I think it's a bonus. No really, she is adorable and quite funny. I really lucked out on that one! I'm sure all Mom's say that but I really did get lucky. I know that.